I have a bad habit of underestimating myself. I look around and see greatness within everyone else and I know I’m great too, but I often feel like I’m not that great. I’ve always felt so ordinary. Nothing special here, just average. I do a good job at the things I put my mind to, but I’ve still always felt so mediocre. Never aspired to be like everyone else, but I have wished I had something more… More drive, more passion, bigger dreams, unique talents, natural abilities, the oil, anything.
I have a bad habit of doubting myself. New challenges present themselves and I wonder if I can conquer them. Constantly somewhere between staying in my comfort zone and knowing I need to get my feet wet. Have you ever only wanted to accept challenges that you knew you’d be successful at? Yeah me too. But where’s the growth in that? I often feel inadequate. “I don’t know if I’ll make a good president.” “I don’t know if I have what it takes to coordinate a whole program.” “I don’t know if these blog posts will be any good.”
I’m lucky enough to have spirit-filled people in my life that lift me up and push me forward when I get in those mental states. Special shout out to one of my best friends, Shawntelle, for always being in my ear telling me I’m greater than I know. For basically forcing me to step out of my comfort zone. For telling me “you ARE going to do it.” For being super amazing herself and inspiring me to reach new heights. She has so much confidence, strength and resilience that it’s impossible for me to be her friend and remain stagnant (I’m just going to have to write an entire post about her). She’s going to read the first two paragraphs of this blog and mentally prepare whole speech for me about how there is so much more to me that she can’t wait to see come to pass. Little does she know, every time a new opportunity presents itself and I get to doubting myself, I stop and ask myself “what would Shawntelle tell me?” Her words immediately penetrate my mind. Any anxiety and negative self talk I had starts to become less and less and that confidence starts to overpower the doubt.
I have a few people around me that speak life into me and I am beyond grateful for their support and empowerment. I also have a few people in my life whose presence alone strengthens my faith and confidence. If your circle isn’t pushing you higher, then you’re in the wrong circle. And I’m not just talking about your “crew”. I’m referring to all of the people you spend time around. You ever met someone who just makes you want to do better, be better? You ever had a conversation with a new person and it was so unexpectedly intentional that it really gets you thinking? When you start surrounding yourself with the right people and positioning yourself in the right places, you start dreaming bigger. It’s like that quote “if you’re the smartest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room”. While I don’t think I’m the best at anything, I do feel like I’ve come to a point where I’m not seeing as much growth in myself as I’d like. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was just up thinking about my process. While I’ve come a long way, I still have so much further to go.
I’m in a place where my spirit is craving more. I want to learn more, grow more, attain new heights, and tap into potential I didn’t even know I had. I want my faith and relationship with God to be strengthen. I want to have more confidence in myself. I want to receive wisdom from people who have been where I am and learn from the mistakes of others. I want new opportunities to serve and empower others. I want to be used in ways I didn’t think I was capable of. And I know I have to be careful what I ask for, but my spirit is ready.
I’m over limiting myself. There is so much more to me than even I know. I’m already operating in spaces I didn’t expect, but this is just evidence that greater is coming. I’m merely scratching the surface. I don’t know what’s to come, but I am so excited about the woman I’m becoming. It’s not even about the final product. I’m honestly hype about the process of getting there. Actually, I still get emotional when I look back over my process of getting here!
God put me here for a reason and life is way too short to remain stagnant and afraid. I’m going after everything He wants me to do and I just want to remain confident and content in the process. I want to make sure that every space he places me in, I fulfill my purpose there. There will be bumpy roads, tears, hard days, dark nights, short-comings and so much more, but I know it’ll be worth it. I’m currently in a season of transition and it seems that my whole being is shifting along with my situational changes. I’m here for it. Whatever it is.
Oh, the woman I’m becoming.
I’m ready, are yall? ♥