Today I woke up a bit emotional. Have you ever just felt so misunderstood? To long for certain people to understand who you are but they still don’t get it – it’s such a disheartening feeling. We were all made differently, but I am not of this world. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit here. This is not where I belong. I have a poster on my wall that says “…so when life get’s tough and it’s hard to be strong, I’ll never forget Heaven is where I belong”. See I am HIS child. I belong to Him. All that I do in this life should honor Him. I’m sure the more I begin to own that fact, the more content I’ll become being misunderstood…but for now, maybe some of you can relate to the sadness that comes with the territory.
I remember I once had someone tell me “Jourdan, I thought you were boring but your actually funny as hell girl!”. This wasn’t the first time I’d be told something like that. Because I get good grades and stay out of trouble – I’m boring. Because I rather take trips or try new restaurants than spend all of my free time smoking, drinking and partying – I’m lame. Because I chose to be celibate, I’m crazy and missing out. Because I love God and want to keep Him first, I’m that super religious girl. Because I’m a Christian, I’m probably judgmental too. Because I can see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt – I’m stupid. Because I try to keep my head up, pray and remain optimistic in the middle of my storms – I don’t have real problems and don’t know what it’s like to struggle with anything. Because I believe that a man should find me and put forth effort – I’m expecting too much and never going to find it. Because I like to prepare in advance to reduce some of my anxiety – I don’t know what excitement is. Because I respect myself – I’m another stuck up chick. Because I believe in real love – I’m soft. Because I fight my battles on my knees instead of physically, I’m weak. Because I get emotional sometimes – “it’s always something with me”.
I could keep going, but my blood was getting hot just typing this (lol). Now these are all things I’ve experienced, and you may have different struggles, but if you have ever felt misunderstood like I do, please let me know I’m not alone. It can be extremely frustrating, but you know what? We don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone. The only person we should be trying to please is God. Trying to explain ourselves to certain people is unnecessary. Those who are meant to be in your life will love you for who you are and won’t make you feel bad about being that beautiful person. Those individuals will add value to your life. Everyone wasn’t meant to understand you or the anointing placed on your life.
And yes, we all do have some flaws. When people try to point those out, it is wise to listen. But for the people that don’t actually have your best interest at heart? Don’t waste your time trying to explain things to them when they weren’t purposed to understand it. Hear me clearly: those who are supposed to be in your life will add value you AND tell you when you’re wrong. I’m not so prideful that I don’t recognize this. There is a difference between someone who is pulling you down and someone who is trying to help you grow. It is important that we recognize this distinction. If you find yourself arguing with someone about something that you know pleases God, remind yourself that it is not worth it.
I’ll be the first to admit that I still have some insecurities to break through. I still have some confidence building to do. If I was completely secure in who I know I am in God, then I probably wouldn’t even be here sharing this with you all. But when I do become more confident, watch out! I’m sure I’ll tolerate less and won’t have a problem walking away from individuals that interfere with my peace. All I’m focused on is becoming the best me I can be and becoming the woman God has called me to be. Anyone who questions that or makes me feel crazy because my ways don’t align with the ways of this world can leave me be. Everybody can’t go with me where I’m going. Everybody can’t go with you where you’re going. And that’s okay. Cherish the loved ones you do have and understand that it might just be pruning season. Quality over quantity. ♥