We are encouraged to not be anxious but instead pray. I’m trying to not be, but we are 4 days into the new year & last night was the 4th night I struggled to fall asleep. This year everything is changing. I graduate with a B.A in Psychology this April & I’ll be attending grad school in the Fall. Where? I have no idea yet, however, I am in a better position than I was in last semester. Back in September I had no idea where I was even applying, so if you’re stressing about applying to grad school, don’t worry. You have time. Most deadlines are not until March if not later. I hate not knowing, therefore I met the early deadlines so that I can make decisions sooner & apply for scholarships. Applying was a challenge of it’s own and now that I am done with that process, I am awaiting the decisions.
Of the 3 programs, only one of them is calling my name. I pray I get in, but even if I don’t I know that I will end up exactly where it is meant for me to be. The decision isn’t the only thing keeping me up at night. Suppose I am admitted to my school of choice (which isn’t within commutable distance from home). How will I attend a graduate program full time & work enough to pay for my rent and all of the other things that come along with being an “adult”. I currently work part time and attend school full time so I can tell you first hand that part time employment does not pay the bills. Will I have a better part time job once I have my bachelors? Maybe I’ll land an Assistantship (that would be lovely). Perhaps I’ll be granted a Fellowship. Did I mention that paying for life and paying off student loans afterwards were two different costs?
When I try to not think so hard about the future, I try living in the present. I start my last semester next week. Excited is not the word. I’m nothing other than nervous. I am bittersweet about it all. I plan to give this semester my all, get these All A’s I’ve been shooting for, feed myself (new years resolution), be better in my leadership positions, and worry less about my relationships with people. You’ll know who really wants to be around.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about while I’ve been struggling to sleep is how everyone who was in the Season Premiere doesn’t make it to the Finale. What show have you ever watched where ever single person who started in the show makes it until the show is cancelled? None. This is currently what I’m experiencing but it’s a really weird thing to wrap my brain around. Nevertheless, I do what I can to be good to people and I decided for myself that I’m no longer asking, especially not begging, anyone to be in my life who does not act as though they want to be there. I owe it to myself to release those toxins from my life.
Last year it was put on my spirit that 2015 was a year for stepping out of my comfort zone. I am amazed at how much I have grown in that area of my life. This year I feel it in my heart that I have to accept change. 2016 for me is about embracing everything that’s coming my way and growing from it rather than hiding. I have to be active rather than passive. It’s a Nike Year! Just Do IT!!!!!